Someone in work just told me this and it made me laugh.

Where does Kylie buy her Kebabs

From Jasons Donnor Van.

So stupid it's funny

oh dear!! Did you have a lie-down today?

Awww 10/10 for effort Michelle and being brave enuff to post it in the first place. xx

A guy walks into a bar, and orders 7 guinnesses and 7 double scotches.  As fast as the barmaid can pour them, he's knocking them back, one after the other.. The barmaid looks at him in surprise and says 'In a hurry, are we??'

The guy looks back at her and says forlornly, 'You'd be drinking this fast too, if you had what I've got..'

The barmaid looks concerned and says 'What is it you've got then?'

The guy looks at her and says.......

'About a quid fifty....'

Ha ha ha ha now THAT was funny Chris, well done!

xx

Everyone i have loads of email jokes but they all contain sexual content so did not want to post on here. Feel free to send me your email addy and i can send you some.....xx

Bubba's sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident, which causes her to fall into a deep coma.

After nearly six months, she awakens and sees that she is no longer pregnant. Frantically, she asks the Doctor about her baby.
The Doctor replies: "Ma'am, you had twins - a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."
The woman thinks to herself, Oh, no! Not Bubba, he's an idiot! Expecting the worst, she asks the Doctor: "Well, what's the girl's name?"
"Denise," the doctor answers.
The new mother thinks, Wow! That's a beautiful name, I guess I was wrong about my brother. I really like the name Denise. Then she asks the Doctor: "What's the boy's name?"
The Doctor replies:  "Denephew"

xx

hahahahaahahahahah ^^^^

not great but...here goes!

Why do elepants have Big Ears?

Because Noddy didn't pay the ransom    ( well it made me laugh :)   )

 one more!

Two women called at my door and asked what bread i ate, when i said 'white' thay lectured me on the benefits of brown bread for 30 minutes...

 'F*ckin Hovis Witnesses!'

Last one, it's not my thread!

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a Password. Something he will use to log on.
 
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.
So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in...
 
               P.....
 
 
               E.....
 
               N....
 
               I.....
 
               S.....
 
 
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
 
PASSWORD DENIED. NOT LONG ENOUGH.

xx

I'm nearly falling off the chair laughing now too! Keep posting jokes, I need them cos I can't ever remember any. I know a quite recent one:

What is a bird with long legs that can't fly?

Naomi Campbell.

(I know! That's the reason I'll prefer reading now.)

(And on the TV, it's Zorro and I understood: "They want to destroy it - with soap". Even worse huh?)

5 stages of a female's life:

1.To grow up

2.To fill out

3.To slim down

4.To hold it in

And the last one

5.To hell with it !!!!!!!!!!

xx

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, and I have even done it
myself a couple times unintentionally ... but this one is real, and it's
important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e- mail list.

If someone comes to your front door saying they are checking for ticks
due to the warm weather and asks you to take your clothes off and dance
around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!! THIS IS A SCAM!! They only want
to see you naked.

I wish I'd gotten this yesterday.

I feel so stupid ......

ha haha xx

okay, okay. This one, Really isn't that funny, but is the cleanest one I can think of right now...

There are two women stood at the top of a burning building, with an air-head. At the bottom of the building are some firemen with a blanket. They shout up to the first woman to jump onto the blanket, she jumps and the firemen pull te blanket away, the woman falls to her death.

Next they get into position, and shout to the second woman, 'okay, it's your go, it's safe to jump'. So she does, and the firemen do the same again and the woman isn't caught.

Finally, it's the airhead's turn. The firemen call up again for her to jump. But she has a plan, she says to them 'No way! I've just watched two of friends hurt because of you. I refuse.'
So she thinks about it, then calls down 'okay, I don't trust you guys, leave the blanket on the ground and walk away, so I know you can't pull it away. Then I'll jump!'

Sorry about that one...

The Archbishop of Cantebury  has partially got his way after suggesting that elements of Sharia Law should be introduced into British Society.

Accordingly the British weather has been declared Muslim.

It's either Sunni or Shiite.

dollydripmat:

The Archbishop of Cantebury  has partially got his way after suggesting that elements of Sharia Law should be introduced into British Society.

Accordingly the British weather has been declared Muslim.

It's either Sunni or Shiite.

Oh Dolly That was funny!!!!!

I have another...........

SCAM WARNING 2 ALL

When parking your car at Asda, you may be approached by two georgous 20yr olds,

They wash your windscreen and ask for a lift to the nearest shop as payment.

On the way they strip and reveal their lunch kits and take advantage of you,

One kisses you while the other steals your purse!!

I had mine stolen last Tuesday, Wednesday, twice on Thursday, on Saturday then again yesterday!

BE CAREFUL!!!!!